A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came home and asked, “What happened son?”
Kid said, “I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own.”
In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa’s wife.
Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Santa: Yes, yes. I’m changing the battery in my camera..
What is the difference between mother and wife?
A – One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
Husband and wife are like 2 tires of a vehicle.
If one punctures, the vehicle can’t move further.
Moral: Always keep a spare tire….
What’s the similarity between chewing gum and begum (wife) ??
Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and sticky in the end..
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled: “How would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?”
The man couldn’t believe his luck.
He blurted out: ‘That would be great’!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her……
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday passed too…..
On Friday his swelling became better and now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
Dear mother-in-law, “Don’t teach me how to handle my children, I’m living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.”
Wife buys a new phone and decides to surprise her husband who is sitting in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband from the new number: “Hello darling!”
The husband responds in a low tone: “Let me call you back later honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen.”
Husband was seriously ill. After thorough examination, doctor sent him outside to wait.
Doctor to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant to him and keep him in good mood, don’t discuss your problems, don’t demand new clothes or gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be fine.
On the way home, husband asked wife: What did the doctor say?
Wife: No matter what we do for you, you are going to die!
An airline introduced a special package for businessmen. Buy your ticket; get your wife’s ticket free.
After a great success, the airline sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply, “Which trip?”
This picture was taken at 11 pm from South Perth Foreshore of Perth CBD (Central Business District). The night was practically windless. And just warm enough to wear a t-shirt. Winter should be approaching soon. So I kidnapped my wife and took her for dinner at D`Tandoor and then walked over to the river banks to take this picture.
I didnt expect to find people still sitting on the benches, some walking hand in hand, and a couple of them going for a jog at this time of night. Maybe everyone was just taking advantage of the nice weather before winter comes in.
This picture was taken using Apperture Priority mode, F27. This was the only way for me to get a brighter picture. ISO was set to 800.
Mouse alert, mouse alert.
We have a mouse in the house. We can hear the little one walking about the house. But how do we get rid of it?
We went to Bunnings and asked the sales assistant and she showed us a variety of mouse traps – from the old poison tablets to modern ultrasound mouse deterrents.
We also sought advise from our mother in law. All she said was that mices these days go to school. They know what a mouse trap looks like and they aint ever going to get into one.
So, my question is, when was the last time you caught a mice via a mouse trap? And how does one get rid of mice in the house?
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38.
Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
It’s very rarely that I play with such incisiveness in chess. I am usually at the receiving end of such games. This is probably the best game I have ever played.
Two weeks ago from today was my first anniversary at chess.com. Probably one of the better sites to play and learn chess.
I’ve always been a big fan of SimCity. I just love the game where you can build your city and watch it grow. And watch all those little people walk around the city. So I was quite excited when I saw EA (Electronic Arts) release the latest SimCity – Standard Edition [Download].
But my hopes were severely dashed when I read from the reviews that EA made this game so unplayable. Here is the review on Amazon which made me not buy this game – also take note how Amazon helped the customer get his money back.
Guess what? If you’d love to experience the nonstop thrills and excitement of SimCity, then please remove $60 from your bank and promptly pay someone to kick you repeatedly in the friggin’ mouth.
I find it incredibly mind boggling that I spent $60 on something that I can’t even log into to play. My first city that I spent some time on was lost forever due to server issues at EA. Oh, and forget trying to get a quick game in when your server (where your save resides) is either full or busy. I only wanted to play a quick game, completely solo, and am forced to wait and wait and wait and wait. And don’t believe the 20-30 min timer. Sometimes even that is incorrect.
Shame on you EA. For the last ten years I have watched you slowly turn this industry into a wasteland. And now in your latest attempt in trying to stick to your corporate policy of crushing anything that closely resembles the human spirit, you have turned SimCity into a $60 thirty minute countdown and server status app. Awesome.
I spent this money because I still wanted to support Maxis. After all, I grew up with a lot of Maxis games that I absolutely loved. Still do. But this? This is probably one of the dumbest things EA and Maxis could have ever done. If it’s possible for me to even get a refund, I want it. We’re only really paying for a product key that lets us use completely unusable servers. Invalidate the key and refund money. So, EA. Do you plan on letting any of us honest people actually play this game?
Avoid this game. Until EA either removes the DRM completely or allows offline play and saves, this game is nothing more than an example on how a company can both rip off AND alienate its fanbase.
UPDATE: For those here who purchased the game through Amazon, I contacted them and they refunded the cost of the game and removed it from my library for me. This is why I will always be loyal to companies like Amazon, which CARES about its customers, and no longer to companies like EA, who would rather make people jump through hoops than actually go out of their way for a customer. I suggest anyone else here contact Amazon and get your money back as well, so that EA can begin to take notice when they’re suddenly having to pay a lot of their ill gotten money back to their customers.
Vote with your wallets, people. We have the power to change companies or bring them down if they refuse to change. We have that power.
So until EA fixes this game for good, sadly I will not be playing SimCity. Maybe its time to dig up my old copy of SimCity 3000. My God, how old is that version?