Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

I. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

5. All reports are in; life actually is unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

kennethg Humour Humour, jokes

Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a customer service rep for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left. When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, “I’m at Post Office Box 99.”

The weary lineman replied, “Ma’am, I’ll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope.”

kennethg Humour

I’m Busy Now

Can I Ignore You

some other time?

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.

People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria.

People with newspaper in their hands look like their heading for the toilet.

Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hour than you do.

kennethg Humour joke, office, office humor, office humour, walknig with documents

Microsoft Word has an autocorrect spelling function.

This function automatically corrects spelling mistakes as you type. The wonderful part of it is that you can add words to the autocorrect dictionary including words that do not exist.

If your co-worker leaves his computer unsecure, you’re home free.

For example, you could set it up so that the boss’s first name, bob, is autocorrected as Boob whenever the person types it.

Or set ‘and’ to autocorrect to ‘ass’.

If you’re good, you can get your co-worker disciplined for sexual harassment plus any number of diversity-related violations.

kennethg Humour autocorrect, jokes, microsoft word, office humor, office humour, office jokes