Think & Create

by Chris Widener

I heard a speaker recently who was talking about how to maintain strong relationships. As I listened to his basic principle, I realized that it is true in all of our life situations, whether work, family, etc. And, let’s face it; relationships are what make the world go ’round. So strong healthy relationships will make your work more enjoyable, and prosperous, and will make your family and friend relationships better as well.

What was the principle? The speaker said that each point of connection is like an anchor in the relationship, and the more connections you have, the stronger the relationship will be. He calls one-connection relationships “simplex,” and multi-connection relationships, “multiplex.” The strongest relationships are multiplex.

There is also the idea that some connections are stronger than others and so you want as many connections as possible and you want those connections to be as strong as they can be as well. Confused? Let’s put some legs on this. We’ll take a business situation and we’ll take a family situation to illustrate the principle.

Anchoring work relationships. Let’s say you sell insurance. A guy walks in and says, “I would like to purchase some term life insurance.” You have a simplex relationship. The connection is that you both want him to have insurance. As you get to know him better and get information from him, you realize that you have a multiplex relationship growing and the chance that your business relationship will grow is improving.

“You grew up in Iowa? Me too!”
“You like to golf? Me too!”
“Your wife and you like to go to the opera? So do we! We should go together sometime.”

The multiple connections are anchoring your relationship.

Anchoring a family relationship. Let’s take a marriage in trouble. Chances are that at one time, the relationship was multiplex. Because of time, work and other stresses, the marriage has deteriorated to the point where both are thinking, “What did I marry this person for?” Or “Why do I stay?” The chances are that now the relationship is simplex. Maybe it is that the one connection is that they want to do right by the kids and so they “Tough it out.” What is the answer? I believe that it is regaining a multiplex relationship. Work hard to make those other anchoring connections. Did you used to play tennis together before the kids came along? Go play tennis together on a regular basis. Do you both have a common interest in a specific cause or charity, but time hasn’t allowed you to pursue it? Take the time! It will anchor your relationship again!

I think you get the point.

Take some time to think about your current relationships. Are they as multiplex as they can be or as they used to be? Think about the new relationships you will make in the coming weeks or months. Think of ways you can make them strong by finding multiple connections, securing deeper and more fulfilling relationships.

Make your relationships “multiplex” and you make them strong, with an anchor that will not let them go!

kennethg Networking connections, love, multplex relationships, relationships, simplex

When you hear the word “coach”, what comes first into your mind? Do you picture a basketball team with a man/woman shouting out directions? Or perhaps a football team with a man/woman pacing to and fro and calling out the names of the players?

Coaching is no longer reserved to sports teams; it is now one of the key concepts in leadership and management. Why is coaching popular?

Coaching levels the playing field.

Coaching is one of the six emotional leadership styles proposed by Daniel Goleman. Moreover, it is a behavior or role that leaders enforce in the context of situational leadership. As a leadership style, coaching is used when the members of a group or team are competent and motivated, but do not have an idea of the long-term goals of an organization. This involves two levels of coaching: team and individual. Team coaching makes members work together. In a group of individuals, not everyone may have nor share the same level of competence and commitment to a goal. A group may be a mix of highly competent and moderately competent members with varying levels of commitment. These differences can cause friction among the members. The coaching leader helps the members level their expectations. Also, the coaching leader manages differing perspectives so that the common goal succeeds over personal goals and interests. In a big organization, leaders need to align the staffs’ personal values and goals with that of the organization so that long-term directions can be pursued.

Coaching builds up confidence and competence.

Individual coaching is an example of situational leadership at work. It aims to mentor one-on-one building up the confidence of members by affirming good performance during regular feedbacks; and increase competence by helping the member assess his/her strengths and weaknesses towards career planning and professional development. Depending on the individual’s level of competence and commitment, a leader may exercise more coaching behavior for the less-experienced members. Usually, this happens in the case of new staffs. The direct supervisor gives more defined tasks and holds regular feedbacks for the new staff, and gradually lessens the amount of coaching, directing, and supporting roles to favor delegating as competence and confidence increase.

Coaching promotes individual and team excellence.

Excellence is a product of habitual good practice. The regularity of meetings and constructive feedback is important in establishing habits. Members catch the habit of constantly assessing themselves for their strengths and areas for improvement that they themselves perceive what knowledge, skills, and attitudes they need to acquire to attain team goals. In the process, they attain individually excellence as well. An example is in the case of a musical orchestra: each member plays a different instrument. In order to achieve harmony of music from the different instrument, members will polish their part in the piece, aside from practicing as an ensemble. Consequently, they improve individually as an instrument player.

Coaching develops high commitment to common goals.

A coaching leader balances the attainment of immediate targets with long-term goals towards the vision of an organization. As mentioned earlier, with the alignment of personal goals with organizational or team goals, personal interests are kept in check. By constantly communicating the vision through formal and informal conversations, the members are inspired and motivated. Setting short-term team goals aligned with organizational goals; and making an action plan to attain these goals can help sustain the increased motivation and commitment to common goals of the members.

Coaching produces valuable leaders.

Leadership by example is important in coaching. A coaching leader loses credibility when he/she cannot practice what he/she preaches. This means that a coaching leader should be well organized, highly competent is his/her field, communicates openly and encourages feedback, and has a clear idea of the organization’s vision-mission-goals. By vicarious and purposive learning, members catch the same good practices and attitudes from the coaching leader, turning them into coaching leaders themselves. If a member experiences good coaching, he/she is most likely to do the same things when entrusted with formal leadership roles.

Some words of caution though: coaching is just one of the styles of leadership. It can be done in combination with the other five emotional leadership styles depending on the profile of the emerging team. Moreover, coaching as a leadership style requires that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally fit most of the time since it involves two levels of coaching: individual and team. Your members expect you to be the last one to give up or bail out in any situation especially during times of crises. A coaching leader must be conscious that coaching entails investing time on each individual, and on the whole team. Moreover, that the responsibilities are greater since while you are coaching members, you are also developing future coaches as well.

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Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he’ll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a person a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and charismatic that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person.If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can’t see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. Be genuine.

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested to people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, and it does. Brownie points when they find out that there is a confidante in you.

3. Laugh out loud.

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all.This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. Don’t forget yourself.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

You don’t have to do a John Rockefeller and blow your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When we were kindergarten students, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced. Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. Contact your old friends.

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you feel good all over.

7. Develop your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally morose? Whoa, you can’t go through life with those. Get rid of the bad traits and habits that perpetually hamper your growth. And really, who wants a grouchy friend anyway?

8. Be confident.

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

9. Practice control.

When angry, don’t snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious that you must not neglect it whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It’s a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice versa.

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Conquer Your Fear.

Express Your Ideas.

Succeed.

Public speaking is a nightmare for me. I remember going completely blank when the emcee of my wedding ceremony called me up to give a speech. I cant remember what I said but I saw the sad expressions on the face of my family members and I knew I didnt say it well. That event created a mental block in my mind and has stopped me from ever speaking in public again, even if the public consisted of less than 5 people.

Then, somehow, my wife pushed me to enrol for a Toastmasters class. I had heard of Toastmasters before but never felt compelled to go for it – why should I? I could speak, couldn’t I?

All I can say now, after being an active member for 2 years, is that I should have started earlier.

Toastmasters is a non-profit organization helping people to improve their public speaking skills. Founded in the US by the YMCA in 1924, they can be found in most countries world wide. Payment: a minimal RM10 (USD2.5) per session to cover the cost of food and drinks provided to you. That’s all.

The class is small, usually about 10~25 people, chaired by senior qualified members, coaching others on their speech.

I remember my first visit. I told them that I am only there to observe.

I sat in a class of around 20 people, mainly professionals from different backgrounds. There were bankers, engineers, a doctor and others. I was immediately asked to introduce myself and state the purpose of joining – which I did, And then I sat down and was not called upon. I like it when they respected my decision not to be called on for the first day.

Instead they called others and each one spoke off the cuff about something (only later did I know that they were given the assignment/topic the previous week). Then members would politely critique the speaker, stating the good and bad points.

At the end of the session, I was given a topic, 3 topics actually, for the following week, should I make my way back to the place again. It was a lovely place to be in. The people were friendly and nice.

The following week I was back. I had chosen to talk about my hobby, which was playing chess. I had written some notes on a piece of paper. I was the second last person to be called. My heart was racing and I nearly blanked out. Then I remembered what Dale Carnegie used to say – think of them sitting there naked. Obviously this was interesting as nearly half the class were women and that made me lose my fear instantaneously – I was speaking. I cant remember the first part of what I spoke. I only remembered the second part, which happened when I lost my train of thought. All of s sudden, I stopped in mid sentence, not knowing what I had said. I then moved on to my next point after taking a peek at my little chit sheet.

I was fairly happy when they told me that I spoke very well during the first part of my talk, right before I stopped in mid-air. After that, I seemed to have lost confidence in my speech and they could sense it. I dont know what I said in the first session – it must have been my subconscious mind taking over.

I was told that I could get some books, either though them or at the nearest bookstore on public speaking. I was never pressured to get the books, but I did anyway. But I learned most from the critiques. They even critiqued the way I stood when speaking, what my left hand was doing, the swaying of my body, my eye movement and so forth.

It was a confidence builder. I now speak much better, slower and with more confidence. I used to be a fast talker, at times mumbling out my words. I now know better.

Join your local toastmasters. It’s practically free. You build a network of friends while learning to become a better speaker and a more confident YOU!

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There are a variety of self improvement articles available nowadays. You may be thinking that this is one of those, obviously.

What have you got to lose by reading one more self improvement article?

When you came the 40-year stage in your life, you will suddenly realize many things. You get to ask yourself questions. How will it be when I get to the end of my life? How do I feel about the life I lived?

Then someone gave you some self improvement articles while telling you that it is not yet too late. Does that mean anything to you?

You bet it does. The feeling of anxiety that will come next is just normal. Then you will feel confused because life had felt so good. You were happy, had a successful marriage, two wonderful kids, and a job you reasonably enjoyed. What was my problem?

It was your class ceiling. The “practical” and fear-based side that had convinced you all along that your passion and dreams had died.

Here are top ten shifts in perspective that can help you move your life to the next level. This self improvement article will assist you in breaking through your own glass ceiling to create the life you really want.

1. Give yourself permission to dream. You probably had no problem dreaming as a kid. What happened to your ability to imagine and dream about what you want and who you want to be? When was the last time you caught yourself daydreaming and appreciated it?

2. Stop looking outside yourself for happiness. Look inside. Increase your self-awareness. Get curious about who you are at the core. Cultivate and nurture a relationship with yourself.

3. Cover the basics. Take the time to address your personal needs. How can you focus on thriving in your life if you are in survival mode? Set up that meeting with a financial advisor, get your space organized, clean up the details that are wasting your energy.

4. Embrace your past and move on. Shift from “why it happened” to what I want to do about it now. Asking “why” is not a very empowering question. Asking what or how I want to proceed can be much more powerful and produce forward movement.

5. Remember that you are not alone. It is easy to feel overwhelmed with life. Seek support. Read more self improvement articles. They might help you figure about some things that are puzzling you.

6. Remember gratitude. Count your blessings. What is working right in you life? Make a list. Set aside a bit of time everyday to acknowledge what or who you are grateful for. The more you practice gratitude, the more you attract into your life things to be grateful for.

7. Court your passion. You still have your passions though it has been a while since you may have felt it flow. When are you the most alive and joyful in your life? Who do you most admire and what do they inspire in you?

8. Take action and take a risk. All the inspiration in the world is not enough to make you move your life to the next level. It takes inspired action to do that.

9. Keep breathing. You probably forget to take deep full breaths. We have all learned to constrict our breathing in response to stress. According to many self improvement articles, we not only need oxygen to stay alive, we need oxygen to give us energy and keep us healthy. Right now take 5 deep, full breaths.

10. Have fun. Call a friend, take a bubble bath, take yourself to an art museum or schedule a whole day out in nature. Put on some great music and dance till you drop.

And you thought this was just one of those self improvement articles.

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What are the three keys to self improvement and motivation?

1. INSPIRATION.

Inspiration is critical to staying motivated and improving oneself. If you are not interested in your business, your motivation level will never be high and you will not be able to sustain interest for very long.

Take an honest look at your inspiration level. Are you excited about going to work or is it an obligation? You would be surprised at the number of people who choose a business that looks good on paper, but in reality does not interest them in the least.

These individuals will grow weary and uninterested pretty quickly because they have no inspiration or passion to sustain them during the difficult times they will encounter as a small business owner.

If you do not like your work, then think how you can re-focus your small business to better match your needs. Or consider making a change entirely. Without inspiration, there will not be motivated to even try self improvement.

2. SETTING GOALS.

Short and long-term goal setting is vital for any business owner. If you do not set goals, you would have no definite purpose on which path of self improvement to take.

How could you possibly be motivated if you were unsure about the direction of your company?

Take the time to put your goals in writing. A business plan may sound daunting, but it is really nothing more than goals, strategies, implementation and a budget. Write your own business plan and update it at least annually.

Include “mini-goals” that can be accomplished in a matter of hours, days or weeks as well as the more ambitious “grand-goals” that may take years to complete. Refer to this plan throughout the year.

But can a business plan really help motivate you? Of course. Written goals will make you feel more professional and certainly more connected to your business. It will also free you from having to reinvent your business goals every single day.

3. NETWORKING.

Another key factor in getting and staying motivated is networking with other small business owners. No one person knows all the knowledge.

However, when a number of people begin working together, the challenges will just be there waiting to be conquered.

In fact, the isolation of working alone is of one the most difficult parts of being an entrepreneur. You can never be on your way to self improvement without the help of others.  Mutual support is motivating.
Make it easier on yourself by connecting with others either in your community or online. Even when businesses are not related, you will often find common ground and ways to work together.

Many successful entrepreneurs report that finding the right networking group was a turning point in the growth of the business. Working together, a networking group can help its members generate more qualified sales leads and solve problems faster and more efficiently.

Sharing ideas, expertise and experience is also an invaluable aspect of motivation and self improvement.
Your own personal team of business owners will help re-energize you when the burdens of running your own business seem too much.

With your networking team to rely on, you can accomplish more in less time and probably have more fun in the process. You will feel motivated to accomplish self improvement when you know you are not alone.

kennethg Goal Setting, Life, Networking goals, inspiration, Life, motivation, Networking, self improvement, success

One of the most common “rookie mistakes” business people make is confusing the act of exchanging business cards, or handshakes, with effective networking.

Networking is not about how many people have your card. It is about how many people know you, value what you do, and feel comfortable referring their friends and colleagues to you.

This is such a critical distinction that it’s difficult to over-emphasize it. Over the years, I have heard dozens of professionals and business people complain that they joined a service club or professional organization “but it never did any good.” When I ask how they actually spent their time, they usually say they attended meetings, exchanged business cards, and schmoozed with as many people as possible.

When I ask how many referrals they made TO the people they met, I often get a blank look. When I ask about how many luncheons or follow-up phone calls they made, there’s silence. When I ask if they served on a committee or as an officer, the predictable answer is “No.”

Networking is about bonding and building connections. It’s about building trust. It’s about building a mutual relationship that benefits both parties.

Think about how many people the average physician, attorney, stock broker or salesperson contacts in a year. If your attorney knows and understands the value of your business and feels comfortable referring to you, he or she might make dozens of referrals per year.

Think of networking as the art of building a solid, long-term alliance with a circle of fellow business people. A circle of a dozen can be worth a million dollars a year in referrals. It’s not the number business cards, it’s the quality of the relationship that counts.

Build your network and hone your networking skills in terms of solid, reciprocal alliances that benefit everyone in your “quality circle.”

kennethg Life, Networking Business, Networking, relationships